Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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