yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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