Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
