yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
