Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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