I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
