Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
