Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
