I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
