i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
