he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
