I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
