Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
