dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
