That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
