ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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