So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
