I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
