So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
