You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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