All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
