the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
