PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
