My room smells like vodka and shame
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I skipped work to stalk him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
