so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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