PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
