I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
