A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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