i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
