Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
