we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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