your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
