Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
