I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
