i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
