I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
