I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
