Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
