I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The air taste purple.
Randomize
