My friends, they love my intelligence
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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