You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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