so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
