Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
