Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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