Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
we should paint friendship bongs
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