Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
