Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
should my penis look like a turkey
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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