it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
