Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So squirting runs in the family.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
