I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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