What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
